Final Dress fitting and a package from a fellow bee:)

Ok so yesterday was a day of joy and frustration for me. First my joy, I got my package in the mail from one of my sweet fellow bees:) Beachwedding92509 Sent me a really cute decorated package with little bee pictures all over it and inside two veils to choose from and a couple other little gifts:) She is so very sweet!! I can't even begin to say how much the kindness means to me. It is awesome to know that there are people out there that still care. I will make sure I do the same when I am done and help another brides dreams come true:) Thank you again fellow bee:)
Well here comes the frustration, I REALLY DON'T LIKE MY DRESS!!!! I know beggars can't be choosers and I really am kicking myself for saying it or thinking it, I am lucky to even have a dress. But we put it on yesterday and it just doesn't look good on me:( Thanks to all my thyroid problems and medication stuff I have gained 70 lbs in the past two years! Yes I said 70:( It is so hard to look in the mirror at this person that I don't even recognize and hate to even see. It doesn't matter what I do I can't loose weight. I can diet, I can exercise and it don't do any good, actually the dieting stuff usually makes me gain more and since I am sick most of the time the exercising makes me sicker, even though I am still stubborn and do it anyways a lot of the time. It is just so frustrating feeling crappy everyday and then looking in the mirror and feeling worse.:(
The dress is actually to small so thank GOD for corsets, but you can tell it is to small and the cut is not flattering at all on me. Plus that lovely extra spills over the top and really ads to the not so sexy look! I am just so scared I am going to get my wedding pictures back and hate them for what I see in them. This is not me and I don't want this to be me!
Again I am just lucky to even have a dress, and I should care more about who is in the pictures with me, rather than what I look like, but I just want to be so beautiful for him and he always tells me I am and he really says I need to give myself a break after all I have been through. He says that he is amazed how much I have been through and how I have done with it all. My biggest down fall is the beating myself up over my weight and looks. But it is so hard. You just keeping gaining, your hair falls out, your skin is like a lizard, your nails break every two seconds, every thing that makes you feel like a beautiful woman is gone. I am sorry for being so negative, it is just harder some days than others!
Thank you again to everyone that has been praying and supportive, it has made this all soooooo much easier and enjoyable:) You have no idea what it has all meant to me!!! Thank you everyone!